Yesterday, for the first time EVER, I fell asleep sitting up...at work. I was just hanging at the desk and, next thing I know, I'm reading paperwork in my dream and not in real life (which I figured out once I woke up and realized everything I *thought* I'd read wasn't actually on the paper in front of me).

I guess I'm kinda tired.

The semester's almost over, though! In 6 weeks...

I feel like I have nothing to say.  What's up with that?  I'd post more if I had something to say.  I have to figure out a 'theme'...something I can write about regularly to make myself actually...well, have something to talk about.  Do I want to write all about writing (which I haven't even been doing, outside of academic stuff)?  Do I want to post mainly about my progress in the running field (I managed to get myself up to a 10 minute mile! Whee!  Only a couple more minutes to shave off that time)?  Maybe I can post crap about school...or maybe, since I've been watching it daily for weeks now, I'll write about my infatuation with Supernatural and the Giant Men that play the two main characters (did you know Jared Padalecki is 6'4"?  Here I thought Jenson Ackles was short, but nope, he's 6'1" and just happens to *look* short next to Jared Padalecki.  Either way.  They're HOT).

I have no idea.  I need to stop doing so much in my "real life".  It leaves me with little time to think about things.  I kinda miss thinking. :(

I have a huge crush on Dean Winchester, and it's ALL mizzykitty 's FAULT!

"Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation."  --  Oscar Wilde

Hey!  Don't forget us women, too, Oscar!  We're always left out of good quotes. *sniff*

Currently, I remain at the level of "discontent" with my fitness progress.  Here's how it looks thus far.  In the last eight weeks, I have lost the following inches and pounds:

Waist:  -1"
Love-handles:  -1"
Hips:  -2"
Thighs:  - 1 1/2" (each)
Pounds:  NONE  ARRRRRRGHHHH!

The poundage part is what's frustrating.  I'm starting to get comments from various people about how I look slimmer, and I think I do.  The saddle bags have reduced drastically, as have the love-handles (which are barely noticeable in clothing anymore).  I've got a nicer waist-line...but I've lost NO pounds!  Well, that's not true.  I lost 3, then gained 3, then lost 5, then gained 5, then lost 2, then gained 2.  Stupid muscle.  Stop building as fast as the fat is going away!  You're making me heavier!

Of course, I shouldn't be pissed off by this because the number on the scale supposedly means nothing, but in this society, the number on the scale means all sorts of things.  So I'm battling with myself and my progress.  I am filled with discontent.  So that means it's all uphill from here, right, Mr. Wilde!?

We are all intellectually aware of Racism. We know that it exists and can cite numerous ways in which it happens both among people and within systems. For those of you who aren't white, middle class, and western-born, you have probably experienced it far more regularly than I have in the last ten years since I moved to the Midwest and became part of the majority race and culture.

However, despite having seen racism openly played out between people throughout my life, and despite having an intellectual understanding of racism in U.S. society, seeing how it plays out between and among the students at my internship has daily given me pause--mostly because I don't think they are at all aware of what they're saying or doing and how racism has affected those actions. Racism is influencing their lives, their educations, their physical and mental health, their perceptions of themselves...everything. Here are five examples of interactions or facts that I've witnessed or learned over my time at my internship (and keep in mind that the students I'm quoting or referencing are all African American and all have some sort of educational disability ranging from learning disorders to a severe mental illness):

( Read more... )

I don't know why this previous example is one of those that causes me the most pause. I mean, I'm as white as you can get, so shouldn't I be flattered that light skin is the preferred skin type? But I'm not flattered. I'm horrified that these young Black men and women are basically declaring their own skin color Undesira( How racism plays out )ble; that they judge each other based off the lightness of their skin. No, they're not saying they prefer one skin color over the other (though some have blatantly declared they "hate" white people), but there's still that underlying, perhaps unconscious preference for lighter skin.

I don't know. Something to think about, I suppose. It's been bothering me for some time, so I thought I'd share it with you and let it bother you, too. :)

I stole this from hkneale... because I'm bored.

I guess Joni Mitchell was right...you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. I always enjoyed writing, and I did it all the time in the past. Mostly because I had gads of free time and that's the first thing I did to fill it (alas! "Free time", where have you gone!?).

Now that I can't write, however, I realized that it wasn't just that writing came about when I was bored. Writing came about because I enjoyed it and because my brain is apparently wired to want to do it. So now that I can't do it, I will spend a great deal of time thinking about how I can't do it and be saddened by this.

I did come up with a story idea the other day, but I'm a little perturbed and wondering whether I should bother getting it out of my head and onto the computer. I presented the idea to my Significant Other, who just gave me this blank stare and said something akin to "Um...interesting." That doesn't bode well. Part of it is that I haven't completely finished the idea, so I probably didn't communicate it well...and the other part is that I don't express myself well in spoken word in the first place (which is why I like writing so much...I'm better at it!). But I don't want to bother writing anything if it's not a good idea in the first place. *sigh*

I guess I'll go attempt it anyway. I'm bored again, and I've finished everything for class.

Also, to my writing friends out there: Anybody know any good places (other than Alfred Hitchcock's) that one can send Southern Gothic mystery fiction?

So, Alex was just dipping the baby upside down then back up again (you know, playing a game with him). As he dipped the baby backward, the baby came much closer to me, and he said, "Hello, Mama!"

It was the cutest damned thing...and one of the first times he's strung two words together. It made me laugh for several seconds straight.

Last week, he'd been upstairs hanging out with his Auntie and I, and as we were leaving the area, he passed my brother's guitar and said, "Bye bye, gui-tar!" This was also incredibly cute.

He is now nicely petting the cat and saying, "Cat! Cat!" So I told him to give *my* head a pat. And now he's over here petting my head.

Man. Who would've known kids were so awesome?

Um...I apparently haven't been on here for a few months. Time kinda flies, doesn't it? I know there have been a few times when I've been bored and sitting around (like now), so I don't know why I haven't been on Livejournal. Maybe I'll add that as a New Year's Resolution, "Look at LJ!" Things of note since September:

1. I have a tattoo now.

2. I'm about to start my second semester of the year, and I'm not looking forward to it.

3. The holidays were not holidays at all. I need a day off!

4. Our entire household (read: commune) was switched around, and now my brother and his girlfriend live upstairs and my family and a roommate live downstairs. The other guy's in the basement. There's a million of us, but Alex and I don't have to pay mortgage. w00t!

5. I haven't written a single thing. I'm lame.

6. I did win 3 months free membership at Lifetime Fitness and have been working-out over a month now. I haven't lost weight, but I've actually lost a couple inches. I guess that counts for something.

This one's stolen from pjthompson I could survive for 1 minute, 9 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor I think this is only because I'm pretty sure I could use my own bitten-off arm to beat at the velociraptor.

I'm also still sick, and so is baby, who started antibiotics for his double ear infection two days ago. We haven't been to work, or internship, or day care in two days. I'm slacking. SLACKING!

And now I'm gonna slack more through memes stolen from pjthompson because I, too, enjoy the haiku meme:

This is my star-crossed lover haiku (which I love because it's hilarious):

Haiku2 for mrngglry98
to get his heart and he just shrugged and said he had been admitted
@ aboutmylife.netadvogato.orgblogger.comblogs.gnome.orgblogspot.comdeadjournal.comgreatestjournal.cominsanejournal.comlivejournal.commyspace.comspaces.msn.com
Created by Grahame

This is apparently my erotica haiku:

Haiku2 for mrngglry98
my key worked in my mouth anyway we went to a luxury
@ aboutmylife.netadvogato.orgblogger.comblogs.gnome.orgblogspot.comdeadjournal.comgreatestjournal.cominsanejournal.comlivejournal.commyspace.comspaces.msn.com
Created by Grahame

And for those of you on the OWW, a special haiku:

Haiku2 for mrngglry98
the clouds at the oww seems a completely foreign concept to people
@ aboutmylife.netadvogato.orgblogger.comblogs.gnome.orgblogspot.comdeadjournal.comgreatestjournal.cominsanejournal.comlivejournal.commyspace.comspaces.msn.com
Created by Grahame

There aren't enough hours in the day.

It makes sense now.  A 28 hour day would make life easier.

I started my internship with the transitional program for adolescents (aged 18-21) with EBD (Emotional-Behavioral Disorders -- which is the school system's way of saying, "There's something wrong with these kids, but we're not sure what".  Usually it means a traumatic brain injury, a mental illness, or low intellectual functioning, all thrown into one because they thing: bad behavior.  Specifically, bad behavior that disrupts their schooling).  I am now working with the kids that always annoyed the crap out of me when *I* was in high school.  Only, in high school, I didn't realize how much went into that behavior.  I just thought they were being disruptive and obnoxious because that was their personality.  I wasn't so forgiving then, I guess.  Now, I'm shocked and dismayed at how much crap these kids go through--from age 3 (when they're first introduced to Early Childhood because they're not talking, or they have lead poisoning, or some other physical or mental issues going on) to the day they stop going to high school because they're jailed or pregnant.  This should be a fascinating, sad, and interesting job.  Hopefully I'll get a lot out of it.  I've never worked with kids.  Though these kids are technically adults now, I suppose...

My job remains the same.  At least I have that stability.

Classes are going well.  They seem far easier this year than last, but perhaps I'm just used to the work load now.

And baby is sick. :(  He hasn't noticed it yet as he runs around haywire, laughing and smiling and destroying as usual.  But he had a temperature of 101 today and is blowing so much snot out of his body that I'm not sure it's possible all of it could be his.  Though, of course, I'm not sure it's possible one can borrow snot from elsewhere.  Even the baby, who's quite wiley.

Also, I still haven't heard back about that story I sent out to a certain mystery magazine.   It's been 6 months.  They say their average time is 3 months.  And I'm still worried I didn't actually send a return envelope.  Should I submit the story elsewhere by this point!?

I am now going to go reattach my IV of caffeine...

I stole this from mikandra.  It did help me look back on my childhood and be thankful I even survived it and that I'm doing so well now.  It also makes me realize how much privilege my own son has.  He qualifies FAR more often on this scale than I do.  He qualifies on 7 more items than I do, and he's only 14 months old. ;)

How do I measure up in the posh-ness scale?  I'm withmikandra.  I do not (or didn't use to) represent "posh" at all!  [I bolded the ones that actually refer to me].

1. Father went to college.
2. Father finished college .
3. Mother went to college.
4. Mother finished college .  She has, however, NEVER paid off her loans.
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor . 
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers (I’m with Mikandra.  I have no idea what this means.  If they mean my high school teachers were richer than my family, then YES)
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.  My dad read 1 book in all the time I lived in his home.  My mom read tons, but she didn’t keep them, and I didn’t read them because they were Harlequin Romances, and they were terrible.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.  Where would they have fit!?
9. Were read children's books by a parent. 
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.  Music
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18.  Violin and piano.  However, the violin training was free as the conductor of our local symphony orchestra heard me play and offered me free lessons.  He was also kind of a creepy old man who kept saying I had a “classic beauty”.  Hm…
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.  Are we still talking about childhood?  Because it’s NO for my life pre age 20.  It’s YES for my life now.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18. My mom ruined my credit before I was even aged 18.  Took me a bit to get that stuff taken off my record, considering a minor CAN’T have credit, really.  So I couldn’t even qualify for a credit card until I was 19.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.  Haha!  Right. 
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.  I’m still paying for it now.
16. Went to a private high school. 
17. Went to summer camp.
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18. 
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels and motels. We never had family vacations.
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.  By my parents?  No.
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.  People have parents who do this?  And the car I drove in high school was a hand-me-down, but not from my parents.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child. 
23. You and your family lived in a single family house .  Yes, but see below.
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.  They lived in a house paid for by my grandparents that was 50 years old, had no form of security (i.e. the doors and windows did not lock and, in fact, you could stick your hand through a hole in the backdoor to open it even if it was locked), a man-sized hole in the ceiling, a roach infestation that goes beyond any form of description, and by the time my dad finally left the house, it had been condemned.  I think this should cancel out anything previously answered that made my childhood sound “posh” at all.
25. You had your own room as a child  (After age 8, when we moved into the previously mentioned house)
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course.  They were $1000!  No way!  (And Mikandra, the SAT/ACT are college entrance exams here in the U.S.  Your scores can very much be influenced by how much money you put into training, so it can also be a racist and elitist test that makes college admissions racist and elitist).
28. Had your own TV in your room in High School.
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College.  My parents didn't even have those things.  They still don't.
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.  Though, once again, not on my parents’ dime.
31. Went on a cruise with your family.  I would’ve killed myself being around them that long.  And I hope to never actually take a cruise anywhere on purpose.  I'd rather explore on my own.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.  See above.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.  Haha!  Woo!  Good one!
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family. Heating?  In El Paso?!

 

9 out of 34 ain't bad...right?

And I'm sure I didn't sound bitter or sarcastic at any point in this posting. ;)

I think I have a high tolerance for being busy.  I've noticed that every time I'm piled with something else to make my life busy as hell, I get used to it, and I soon discover I'm bored again.  It's gotten to the point that I can't do one or two things at once.  Sometimes not even 3 things.  I can't watch a movie in a theater, for instance, because I get bored.  I feel like I should be doing 8 other things while watching that movie (though I'll admit, I did sit, completely rapt, through Wall-E, and Batman kept me entertained enough that I only thought a few times about how I was sitting there doing absolutely nothing).  It's kinda bugging me because now, despite having a baby to care for, a crazy mother to arrange a life for (who is not moving into my work place at this current moment because she has officially become the first person ever not approved by the county for admission), and work--despite all this, I'm extremely bored right now.  I keep thinking, "Oh good, school and an internship are coming up.  Two more things to keep me busy!"  What am I gonna do with myself when I only have work and a toddler!?

I used to fill all my time with writing (and boy did I have a lot of time.  I never realized just how much free time I had until I had a baby and started school).  But now I don't have large chunks of time.  Now my "bored" time comes in relatively small chunks, with the occasional hour thrown in.  I just can't get started writing, let alone write something of substance, in small chunks of time.  At least, I can't write anything imaginative.  I can write school papers.  Which is why I'm looking forward to school.  Homework is easily done in small chunks of time.

And now I'm going to go clean because the baby's down for a nap, and I'm bored.  Anybody who knows me will discover that this is a sure sign that I don't have enough to do.  I hate cleaning.  And cooking.  And yet, I'm about to do both...

My mom is apparently going to move into my work place.  For those of you who may not know or do not recall, I work in a residential rehabilitation facility for persons with severe and chronic mental illnesses.  Oh, and next week, I'll be driving my mom's dog to Texas.  28 hours total driving!  Yay!

I've managed to accomplish nothing in the last 6 weeks since my Chile class officially ended, and I don't think I will accomplish anything in the next 2 weeks until my next classes begin.  I'll be starting an internship then, too.  Baby is going to start daycare.  I'm very excited for him to go hang out with kids.  While touring the facility, he'd already managed to make a best friend.  It was cute.

I am now going to go continue to accomplish very little.  Hopefully, this will include some sleep...if Baby allows. :)

As stolen from mikandra:

Look up your birthday in Wikipedia. Pick 4 events, 3 births, 2 deaths, and 1 holiday.

My birthday is September 27 (which means I'll be another year older in about 6 weeks here...yay...).  I currently share this birthday with a childhood friend and a resident.  Those are the only two people I've ever met with my birthday, however.  Which is interesting considering how many freakin' people live on the planet and how comparatively few birthdays are available.  Anyway.

EVENTS

1905 -- The physics journal "Annalen der Physik" published Albert Einstein's paper "Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy
              Content?", introducing the equation E=MC(squared)  [Sorry, didn't know how to put the "squared" in there].
1928 -- The Republic of China is recognized by the United States.  [I figured this was good Olympic-related knowledge hehe]
1954 -- The nationwide debut of "Tonight!" (otherwise known as the Tonight Show) debuted, hosted by Steven Allen on NBC.
1998 -- Google is launched.

BIRTHS

1722 -- Samuel Adams, American Revolutionary Leader (and liker of beer?)
1885 -- Harry Blackstone, Sr., American Magician
1972 -- Gwyneth Paltrow, American Actress and otherwise annoying person

DEATHS

1917 -- Edgar Degas, painter
1921 -- Engelbert Humperdink, German Composer and owner of awesome name

HOLIDAY

Baha'i Faith - Feast of Mashíyyat (Will) - First day of the eleventh month of the Baha'i calendar.  (This was the funnest one to type.  September 27th is also World Tourism Day, apparently, but that's not nearly as cool).

I've been watching Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog today (because hkneale mentioned it was awesome, and it is pretty funny), and this exchange just happened:

Penny:  Sometimes people are layered like that. There is something totally different underneath than what's on the surface.

Billy: And sometimes, there's a third even deeper level, and that one is the same as the top surface one.

Penny:  ...Huh?

Billy:  Like with pie.

I found this hilarious.  So I thought I'd share this bit of wisdom from Dr. Horrible. ;)

Well, it's been a stressful week (obviously), but I think it might be winding down.  MAYBE.  My mom is currently hanging out in the mental health ward at the local hospital.  She was initially a little freaked out when she moved there (I have no idea what she was thinking a psych ward would look like, but I have a feeling her idea was closer to a Luxury Hotel than Reality).  She'll probably be there for awhile.  They've referred her to the County (thank god), so hopefully she'll get hooked up with those services.

Now, we just have to move everything out of her apartment in the next week to keep the management from sending official eviction paperwork to the courts.  We have to sell all her furniture and find a home for her dog.  Her dog is old and has some infirmities, so I'm very concerned about his adoption options.  We know nobody who can take him.  I've been trying to do some research online, but there doesn't seem to be a place we can send him where they won't kill him.  (There's one no-kill shelter, but the prerequisite is that he be adoptable and, even if he were, there's a very long wait list).  I'm really afraid.  I don't want him put to sleep because that just seems horrendous to me.  I mean, we don't do that to children, right?  "Well, we can't find this kid a home, so let's put him to sleep!"  It just sounds so horrible.

Anybody know what I can do with an old dog that doesn't require the death penalty?

It was nice getting all the supportive comments, so thanks everybody. :)

My mom is stable, but when we got there (16 hours after she went into the hospital) they were still pumping crap out of her stomach.  She was so dazed and out of it, I thought they'd sedated her.  Turns out, they'd done nothing of the sort.  She just had that much lithium in her.  In fact, there's so much lithium that, even as they're pumping stuff out, her lithium levels still continue to go up.  The doctor said that if they don't start going down soon, she'll have to go on dialysis.

I asked her how she got to the hospital, who called 911.  She said she did.  She could barely keep her eyes open, and her words were slurring, and she said, "I called them.  I changed my mind."

I talked to several nurses, a resident, and a doctor, and I kept telling her, "Don't let her out of here too soon.  Don't let her out!"  They said she'll be in for a few days for medical treatment, then (as is standard for attempted suicides), she'll go to the psych ward for 24 hours, and then that doctor decides if she's to be discharged.  I told them to have the social worker call me first thing after talking to my mom because I need to talk to that person, too.  My mom can't be let out yet, but I don't know if they understand that.  The nurse said my mom told her she wasn't planning to hurt  herself again.  Well, first of all, my mom is suffering lithium toxicity and probably barely makes sense to herself.  Second of all, OF COURSE she said that!  But she's going to do it again (and, statistically speaking, anybody who does it once will do it again, and anybody who does it twice is even more likely to do it again, and so on and so forth until they succeed), and I tried to tell the nurse this, and she seemed to understand...but I got nothing committal from anybody.  Unfortunately, the hospital can discharge people to the street.  And that's what scares me.

Anyway, I'm now going to go to attempt to sleep because I have to be up at 6am to go to work.  I can't bring myself to call in because I switched to day shift tomorrow when they needed someone, so if I called in, they'd have no one, and that'd suck.  Even if I just don't feel I can do it when my mom's connected to tubes at the hospital down the street.

Oh well.

On another note, I saw Dark Knight.  It helped to further my depression.  And I have no idea what my brother was talking about when he said that people read to deeply into that movie and it doesn't say nearly as much as people claim it does.  Because, seriously, that movie was like a 2 1/2 hour metaphor.

Alright.  Now I'm off.  For real.

And it's not as bad as it *could* be, I suppose.

My mom is in the hospital right now.  I'm on LiveJournal because I'm waiting for the hubby to come home and I need something to do to distract myself.  When he gets here, we will pick up my brother and his girlfriend and travel on over to the hospital to see my mom (and, if all is in our favor, a social worker).  My mom OD'd sometime yesterday.  I'm not sure.  The message I got was extremely vague (for obvious reasons, of course, but still frustrating), and when I finally got ahold of the ICU, they told me she was fine and that she'd come in at 3am.  Which couldn't be true because the message came in yesterday evening around 10pm.  She must've gone in YESTERDAY at 3am then.  I feel terrible I never heard my phone ring and didn't get the message until about 1/2 an hour ago.  They say her vitals are stable, though, and that she's just under observation.  They don't usually like to discharge people over a weekend, so I'm hoping beyond hope that they'll wait for Monday.  Just in case a social worker *isn't* there over the weekend.  I so hope there is.  If all is well, they have at least one there every weekend.  I hope.